updates and airplanes

The Roommate update: Kyle has put his pants on, and has decided to talk to this girl about what's going on. The conversation went very well and it looks as though our awkward living room moments will soon be replaced with ... well.... awkward living room moments in which there is so much love in the air that I must retreat to the safety of my room in order to keep what little stability I have...

The Flight from Arkansas: So everything went well, and the incident took place right after we landed at RDU. It has been a long standing policy in my life that when I fly I like to have a tie on because the security people leave you alone when you are dressed up. The downside to this plan is that business people think you are one of them, so they want to talk to you. As we were standing up to "deplaine" (a word that, despite it's constant use by Northwest Flight attendants, neither I nor my spell checker believe to be real) A very tall business man stood up and began complaining to me and the gentleman in front of me about his seat. Allow me to quote "I don't know what it is, but i think these seats are getting smaller.... it's like they don't put as much padding in them anymore... I guess it could be that my A** keeps getting smaller while my wife's A** keeps getting bigger!" and immediately the small section of business men around me erupted in laughter. I was silent. Not because it wasn't funny, but because I saw what was coming: in front of the men, were a section of older business women, who promptly turned around and informed this gentleman and all those who would have dared to laugh that this was indeed not funny. The plane went silent; all except the man who quickly began to back peddle... as we was furiously trying to get out of the situation, all of then men bailed on him like a sinking ship! finally he just shut up and hung his head, knowing that yet again a man was beaten down by the glare of a woman. The funny thing is that he showed me a picture.... he tells no lies....

Coffee shops with Community guitars should be outlawed.

So I'm in Arkansas and if you have read my blog in the past you are already aware of my feelings towards this state. Over all I find it to be comparable to that weird uncle no one wants in the family, but in a surprising turn of events I have found that the little rock area is quite nice, and beyond that the people are great… which brings me two questions: a) how can these people stand the rest of their state, and b) how could such good people be responsible for Bill Clinton?.... and where did Clinton's accent come from?! None of these people sound like him.
Today I attended my friend's church and the whole staff was great. The only older member of the staff is the senior pastor who earlier today gave a very informative message on how women should have "relations" with their husbands… and often. I honestly cried because I laughed so hard at some of the anecdotal references this man made. There are few things in this world as amusing as seeing a small southern man talk about sex in the same sentence as mowing the lawn and other yard work related activities. For a second I began to think that this state might not be so bad and I briefly forgot that I was in the backwards dirty south; but that moment quickly ended when I walked into a coffee shop after church and ordered a Venti Vanilla Chai tea only to be asked by BOTH employees of this fine establishment, "umm… which size is Venti?" followed by, "ya, what's vIIINNTaaa?"
More to come later, but as for now I must sleep.

Living room drama

So right now I am sitting in my living room watching some game being kicked by my roommate to some girl and it made me think "Hmmm I haven't written a funny blog in a while." (Said with the strong bad miss inflected voice) And the topic of Kyle kicking game is as good as any, so lets begin.

For the sake of hiding names, lets call this girl "the mixed signal girl" or TMSG for short. Sometimes she is all about my man kyle and other times she seems to care less. I would offer my assistance in helping decipher the code that is this woman, but as we have already learned, i have no understanding of that insanity.

Allow me to Bob Ross a picture for you: We are in the living room in an absolutely deafening silence. If it weren't for the melodic sounds of the dishwasher, and the rhythmic bliss that is my typing, I might go crazy. They were sitting on the couch, and things seemed to be looking good, but then TMSG called an audible and moved to the floor. Who does that? There was a brief bit of discussion, and then back to the silence.... and here I am... sitting in the living room with these two... you might think this to be awkward, and you would be right. oh wait, they are talking again... nm...she just needed to use the restroom.

I'll keep you updated... but things are going downhill.