Nobody likes bass players... except you.. cause you're reading my blog!

Back again...

2009-04-21T11:16:00.000-07:00

I find that I have had nothing to say for quite some time. I guess I could mention that our airline stewardess is moderately attractive, but since I don't want to be a creeper I think I will refrain from taking a picture to show you.

I guess I have been feeling a bit lost, or perhaps better defined as traveling with no destination. I know exactly where I am, just no idea where I'm going. How does one find meaning in that which he is not able to claim? I'm a part of about a million things but none of them are mine, and none of them claim me as a full part of the team. So how do you find meaning in that? So sorry for the hiatus from writing, but I’ve been trying to find a way to say anything.

But I guess the only reason people read this is due to my list of observations. So here is today’s: why is it that no matter where you are, airport stores are run by people who do not speak English as a primary language? Is there some sort of underground job market for airports that I am not aware of? Are the airports in India staffed with English speaking Aryans? All I have to say is this: if you can't say pomegranate passion correctly then you should not be behind the counter at jamba juice taking responsibility for making me fruity goodness... Also I would like to know why we have not invented a better way of flying children on airplanes? Can't we hand out anti-crying meds at the door? Tranquilizers? This kid has been crying for almost an hour and I'm starting to lose my mind.

Several hours later I am on my next flight and we have the same attractive stewardess. She just threatened to send all of us to airplane detention. I don't know what that means exactly, but I'm going to need more details before I say I'm against such a proposition. She just sat down next to us!... Oh, she wants one of us. Since we will never know, I'm just going to assume it's me.

This entry is Gene approved.

2008-09-28T05:53:00.000-07:00

This weekend was spent with the Charles Billingsley band at the Raytown, MO E-women's conference. It was amazing. Many laughs were had, many women were made extraordinary. Our flights went fairly well except we were in the very back of the plane...
Oh, and American Airlines lost my guitar which I check plane side. I'm not sure how they did that, but I got to play the first set of the weekend on a loaner from the church.... gross.

Now I do have to give props to American Airlines' Kansas City crew. They rock. Not only did they find my bag, and deliver it to me by the second set, but when we came in the next day to fly out, they all knew me by name because the supervisor had made such a big deal about getting me the bass ontime that everyone was involved. Also, they hooked us up. You see the C-Bill Band was running a bit late and arrived 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave and they got us threw. Love them.

Tash cans out of order

2008-09-18T09:36:00.001-07:00

Our office is a funny place.

pledging allegiance to a rainbowed flag

2008-09-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

So today I walked into the office to find out that Ray Boltz, author of such classics as watch the lamb and thank you, has decided to step out of his velvet lined closet. Down side - Ray Boltz has added yet another member to the Metropolitan Community Church's parade of bad theology. Upside - You can get a watch the Lamb T-shirt for $8, due to merch clearance!

www.Rayboltz.com

Food and such

2008-09-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite blogs posted pictures of what he eats everyday. I decided today that I should do this today in order to show you the fantastic meatballs we had tonight at the E-women's conference. Unfortunately I had this thought too late, and they had already thrown it all away. See Below:

They were great. On a better note, I have been in love with a wonderful drink from starbucks: Iced Vinti Vanilla Black Tea.

You should get one. It's awesome.

This is not funny, but it is.

2008-09-04T11:09:00.000-07:00

So you have to love having foreign students :)

Getting my history on

2008-08-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the D-Day memorial in Bedford, VA. It was amazing. Since this is a holiday weekend and all, you should take some time and learn about your history. This picture shows a section of the list of fallen soldiers who died on D-Day.

You can check out other pictures on my facebook page.

Pictures are worth a thousand words.

2008-08-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

I found this post on on of the funniest blogs I have ever read. I thought you might enjoy it.

I fraking hate tomatoes.

2008-08-23T21:27:00.000-07:00

So I spent some time today in a sporting good shop. (exercise, not guns) I've been on this "Get less fat" kick so i thought it would be a good place to hang out. I didn't get anything to further my cause, (although as of this morning I had lost 20 lbs) but I did see a family of 5 extremely obese people walking out of the store. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but as i drove away i was left with one question: "What exactly were they doing there?" I mean they didn't buy anything, and I'm fairly certain the last family meeting did not include any sort of a plan which involved an ab roller, or a set of those power push-up things. I realize this sounds like profiling, and perhaps it is, but I mean no disrespect - I am a recovering fat kid myself. I am just very confused.

Also, I have added to new players to the list of movie characters I have been compared to. I have to admit, this list is getting extensive and none of them make me happy. The new ones are: The pirate from "the count of Monte Cristo" (based on the fact that he is funny, and is the whipping boy of the count... I'm going to over look any fat joke which may or may not be associated with this image), and Bob the Tomato from veggie tales... keep the jokes to yourself.

Another blog about poop

2008-08-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

Normally my blog isn't so crass, but this has been a crazy week. The cleanse was aweful. It made me want to die. Shooting pains, fetal position on the floor... no good.

Things have been fine since that stopped. Well until today when I got back from lunch with a friend to find that my apartment had flooded. That was annoying in and of itself, but comical. I have been the plumbing guy before, and I know that these things happen so I just laughed about it. Then Rich (our local handy man) and I found out that it was sewage backing up on the floor. The laughing stopped.

** THIS NEXT PART IS GROSS. Parental discretion is advised. ** Once we realized what was going on, we shut everything down, and stopped it from coming in anymore... then there was something odd... yet familiar, floating in the water. It was toilet paper. It was used. It was not mine. Gross.

The cleaning people are here right now chemically treating the carpet, steaming it, and then doing it again. I asked steve, the cleaning guy, if he could just set the carpet on fire instead, but apparently the fire marshal frowns on such things.

I still feel dirty.

Cleansing

2008-08-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

I would like to think that I make more good decisions than bad ones. On an average day that's probably true. There are those days, however, that you make a decision that clearly nullifies every good choice you have ever made... today I started the "Master cleanse." This was a crowning achievement of asinine selections. Allow me to explain:

I willingly chose to - 1. Drink Sea Salt water... this will rekindle your friendship with porcelain. 2. I am forgoing food in place of a liquid diet which consists of - 3. A concoction of organic maple syrup, lemon juice, water, and cayenne pepper, which I have agreed to drink 5-6 times a day. Those of us doing this cleanse together have named it "The Mexican Death." This makes you feel like your insides have been freed of toxin, but have taken the opportunity to throw an all night kegger while the former chemically engineered tenants of your blood stream are on hiatus. Although this is not painful, it is less than comfortable, and has left me wondering if health nuts are nothing more than herbal masochists.

I'm going to stick with this for a day or so more in the hopes that the good out ways the bad, but I feel it is an ambition which shares probability of success with this overweight white kid mastering the terpsichorean arts.

no self esteem

2008-07-23T11:20:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who is planning her own birthday party. I don’t really understand that since 1) I don’t like parties and 2) I don’t like birthdays, but it makes her happy so I'm going to be supportive. This year it’s going to be 90s themed!

This has spawned an interesting discussion in the office: who should I dress up as. I guess I was hoping to have some cool suggestions presented - perhaps a superhero of sorts? But… I think I am the only one who has voted for anything cool. Everyone else seems to see me as a secondary character that is an idiot, or at least abused. George Costanzia and Al from Home Improvement are currently winning, although Super Mario is running in a close third. Does anyone have any ideas that would allow me to be cool?? Or am I condemned to be the punch line?

'What a difference... a day makes'

2008-07-22T23:58:00.000-07:00

An ancient philosopher named Epicurus once said “Of all the things that make life entirely happy, much the greatest is the possession of friendship.” Now, I don’t know what kind of people Epicurus surrounded himself with (I assume people with white robes and foliage in their hair), but this guy understood the day I had today.

From the first person I saw today till the midnight phone call that woke me up, I’ve been surrounded with nothing less than quality people. An old boss calling to ask for opinion of a new hire, facebook messages from long lost friends, a phone call from a friend trying to brighten his wife’s day, pictures from another showing off the new girl of his dreams, seeing tears from a girl who was determined to make sure her friend was safe, twitter conversations encouraging a guy who’s job sucks, or the manager at Panera who gave me a free coffee and cookies to tell me she missed seeing me around. This list is not in any way exhaustive.

Other than the last 45 minutes of work today, I can’t say I accomplished anything. As a matter of fact everything I set out to do today did not happen. Not a single thing. (Sorry dad, your birthday present will be in the mail tomorrow.) From the standpoint of convenience it kinda sucked. At the same time, I don’t know if it could have been a better day. I learned more about what matters today than I ever could have getting my checklist done, and being a successful “adult.” After all I think the great philosopher Dr. Seuss said it best, “Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them."

The Whiskey A-go-go

2008-06-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

So earlier this week I was hanging out with Keith, and he asked me if I would move my flight to play a gig with our friend Alan. I'm always looking for a reason to play my bass, so I said sure. And where where we playing? That's right... the Whiskey a-go-go on sunset. Last night we played the event, and I'll be honest... we rocked the house. Alan was awesome, and it was so much fun to play music you can party to!

The death of my new friend

2008-05-27T02:38:00.000-07:00

(warning: this blog has no purpose)

Okay, the worst thing that has ever happen to me has been living across the street from a 24 grocery store. Kroger is killing me. Well that and internet TV. About the time I want to sleep, I think, "hmmm I haven't seen a Psych episode is while" and to usanetwork.com I go. 2 minutes in, Shawn mentions pudding pops and my marketing induced escapade begins.

As I was leaving my parking space, I noticed that I was not alone. A small green light adorned my dashboard, and caused me to stop rather abruptly. I sat perfectly still in the hope that this was nothing but my imagination, but the smack against my forehead was a quick reminder that this was no illusion. A lightning bug had commandeered my vehicle.

I attempted to reason with it… well I yelled at him for hitting me in the head. And then it seemed to leave me alone and returned to the aforementioned location on the dashboard. I assumed this meant a truce had been called, so I continued my drive. As we went along I made friends with it… offered him a bite of my impending score, which I assume he accepted since he flashed twice. (the universal sign for yes) I thought he might want to come inside and pick out his favorite, but unfortunately Steve (as I named him) was tragically killed. He tried to get away when I went at him with a bottle, and was crushed.

There is currently a pudding pop melting in the sink...

Anyway, back to psych.

Yet another reason

2008-02-08T12:00:00.000-08:00

And there he stood: rude, flagrant, and using a lisp while talking in my personal space, after cutting me off in line. His hair was butt-parted, and his hands were flailing around in such a manner to make you question if he actually had a bone in his wrist at all. Some people just emit a vibe; in his case his vibe was a sob story laced in egotism, which spewed from his inconsiderate countenance so intensely that I actually considered puking on his a-feminine shoes. Hopefully by now you have figured it out - he was French. (for those of you playing at home, I would have also excepted "democrat" "tree hugger" "celebrity with too much money", or Sean Penn which actually would cover all of the above)

As I watched this "gentleman" argue as to why the uneducated ill-tempered man behind the North West counter should give him another flight, I sat back and pondered my own situation. I left Lynchburg at 3:25 this morning, and was supposed to be in Iowa surprising my mother for her 50th birthday right now (noon), but instead I am now on a 5 hour layover waiting to get to another layover, with my good friend frenchy and his new arch rival.

I am quickly realizing that my blog has become "the plights of Juan's travels" but oh well… the story gets better.

A brief 3 flights, and a total of 8 plane tickets later I arrived in Iowa. I showed up at my mother's house and surprised her for her birthday. I called her while I was standing outside and asked her If her birthday present has arrived yet. She said no, and I told her that UPS said that it was delivered. So she went outside to check and I surprised her. In hind sight it probably wasn't a good idea to surprise a woman on her 50th birthday, Heart Attacks and all, but it worked out just fine.

Christmas was late but well worth the wait!

2007-12-27T08:23:00.000-08:00

Okay so I haven't written anything for a while and it was because I was waiting for something fantastic – Today is that day.

Last night I flew into the Atlanta Airport after spending the Christmas break in Port Charlotte, FL with the Smith family. As usual at ATL things were going way to slow. It had been over a half our since the plane had landed and our baggage still had not made it to the conveyor belt. David had come to the aiport to pick me up, and because of the delay, he had decided to come inside. This turned out to be the best thing that could possibly have happened. When David got to the baggage claim he was almost running to find me and then said "You will never guess who I just say back there! Hashim Nzinga!"

For those of you who do not know who this person is, I would ask you to pause and watch this you tube clip from the Hannity and Combs Show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXEEm480_jU

This clip had been on David's tivo since the day it aired and we watch it often because it was one of the few times anyone has actually like Combs. There have been few news reports that have brought me as much joy as this one.

With that said, back to the story! We needed to take action. Right about then the luggage was finally coming onto the belt, but we didn't care. We abandoned the carousel and went to find this guy. When we found him there was a gentleman standing next to him very stiff and proper. We assumed this to be one of his body guards. For the sake of keeping my pronouns in order lets call this man Steve. David asked Steve if that was Mr. Nzinga and the Steve had no clue what we were talking about. He obviously was not the bodyguard. Hashim was on the phone so David interrupted him and the conversation went like this:

David: "Excuse me, Are you Mr. Nzinga?"
Hashim: "Ya, who you with?"
David: "Ohh. No one sir, My name's david…"
Hashim: "WHO you with?!"
David: "I'm a no body"
Juan: "Ya we were just walking through the airport and recognized you."
David: "Ya I recognized you from TV and I was hoping we could get your picture."
Hashim: "Oh, ya, alright then" (Said with a large smile)

So we got pictures with him and then he walked off felling good about himself… and probably confused as to why two white kids wanted their picture with the head of the black panthers. (for those of you who have facebook you can see the pics there)

After he left, Steve was still standing there and asked David "Hey man, who was that guy?" David responded "That was Hashim Nzinga, the leader of the black panther party!" The man's jaw dropped, and his eyes became large enough to look animated as he yelled at a whisper, "Dude!!! I have been standing next to him for 20 minutes and I had no idea!! Ahhh!!! … aww man!... I can't believe I missed him!..." So we went to get my bags and on the way back passed steve again and David looks at him and says, "Man! You missed your chance!" and I chimed in "Ya man, you dropped the ball!" Steve then yelled again about how he felt stupid. It was a great day for comedy.

Jackhammers and november

2007-11-01T13:28:00.000-07:00

Somedays you wake up and the world seems grand. The sun is out, birds are singing, and all is seemingly right with the world. Other days, there is a guy outside your window with a jackhammer digging an apparently unnecessary hole which should be your sign that trouble is waiting for you outside your covers. (this is not a random example... this was my morning).

I have found that in the college environment, November seems to have more days like the later. Perhaps it's the stress of midterms, burnout from stupid roommates and coworkers, the change of seasons, or perhaps it's just that the high of 24 is finally wearing off and you need your fix of Jack. Whatever the case may be, November seems to be where conflict resides.

I don't know what's going on in your world in particular, or how crazy life may be, but I have a plan. What if we all tried out this crazy idea: do something nice for someone else. I know it sounds like more work, but perhaps with all the stress of life we have all become just a little too selfish recently. Honestly, when was the last time you stopped and thought of a way to make someone happy with no alterer motives? How long has it been since you stopped and seriously prayed for your friends? I vote we all try to do it more, before November kills us all :)

ps. If you know the guy with the jackhammer, politely ask him to knock it off.... at least until 9am or so.

updates and airplanes

2007-09-28T00:47:00.000-07:00

The Roommate update: Kyle has put his pants on, and has decided to talk to this girl about what's going on. The conversation went very well and it looks as though our awkward living room moments will soon be replaced with ... well.... awkward living room moments in which there is so much love in the air that I must retreat to the safety of my room in order to keep what little stability I have...

The Flight from Arkansas: So everything went well, and the incident took place right after we landed at RDU. It has been a long standing policy in my life that when I fly I like to have a tie on because the security people leave you alone when you are dressed up. The downside to this plan is that business people think you are one of them, so they want to talk to you. As we were standing up to "deplaine" (a word that, despite it's constant use by Northwest Flight attendants, neither I nor my spell checker believe to be real) A very tall business man stood up and began complaining to me and the gentleman in front of me about his seat. Allow me to quote "I don't know what it is, but i think these seats are getting smaller.... it's like they don't put as much padding in them anymore... I guess it could be that my A** keeps getting smaller while my wife's A** keeps getting bigger!" and immediately the small section of business men around me erupted in laughter. I was silent. Not because it wasn't funny, but because I saw what was coming: in front of the men, were a section of older business women, who promptly turned around and informed this gentleman and all those who would have dared to laugh that this was indeed not funny. The plane went silent; all except the man who quickly began to back peddle... as we was furiously trying to get out of the situation, all of then men bailed on him like a sinking ship! finally he just shut up and hung his head, knowing that yet again a man was beaten down by the glare of a woman. The funny thing is that he showed me a picture.... he tells no lies....

Coffee shops with Community guitars should be outlawed.

2007-09-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

So I'm in Arkansas and if you have read my blog in the past you are already aware of my feelings towards this state. Over all I find it to be comparable to that weird uncle no one wants in the family, but in a surprising turn of events I have found that the little rock area is quite nice, and beyond that the people are great… which brings me two questions: a) how can these people stand the rest of their state, and b) how could such good people be responsible for Bill Clinton?.... and where did Clinton's accent come from?! None of these people sound like him.
Today I attended my friend's church and the whole staff was great. The only older member of the staff is the senior pastor who earlier today gave a very informative message on how women should have "relations" with their husbands… and often. I honestly cried because I laughed so hard at some of the anecdotal references this man made. There are few things in this world as amusing as seeing a small southern man talk about sex in the same sentence as mowing the lawn and other yard work related activities. For a second I began to think that this state might not be so bad and I briefly forgot that I was in the backwards dirty south; but that moment quickly ended when I walked into a coffee shop after church and ordered a Venti Vanilla Chai tea only to be asked by BOTH employees of this fine establishment, "umm… which size is Venti?" followed by, "ya, what's vIIINNTaaa?"
More to come later, but as for now I must sleep.

Living room drama

2007-09-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

So right now I am sitting in my living room watching some game being kicked by my roommate to some girl and it made me think "Hmmm I haven't written a funny blog in a while." (Said with the strong bad miss inflected voice) And the topic of Kyle kicking game is as good as any, so lets begin.

For the sake of hiding names, lets call this girl "the mixed signal girl" or TMSG for short. Sometimes she is all about my man kyle and other times she seems to care less. I would offer my assistance in helping decipher the code that is this woman, but as we have already learned, i have no understanding of that insanity.

Allow me to Bob Ross a picture for you: We are in the living room in an absolutely deafening silence. If it weren't for the melodic sounds of the dishwasher, and the rhythmic bliss that is my typing, I might go crazy. They were sitting on the couch, and things seemed to be looking good, but then TMSG called an audible and moved to the floor. Who does that? There was a brief bit of discussion, and then back to the silence.... and here I am... sitting in the living room with these two... you might think this to be awkward, and you would be right. oh wait, they are talking again... nm...she just needed to use the restroom.

I'll keep you updated... but things are going downhill.